When it comes to losing your virginity, people have different things to say. Here are a couple of things people will tell you about your first time having sex: It should be with someone you love, if not, you will regret it or you will feel an emotional connection to your partner and it will never go away. It will be clumsy and uncomfortable, but don’t take stress, one day it will be better.
As a general public, we have a certain thought regarding losing your virginity, yet these don’t always translate to real life. In reality, different things happen… things nobody ever truly talks about.
A “hymen check” is really no way to determine virginity.
Different people have different amounts of hymeneal tissue, and some are thinner, worn away, or filled with fewer blood vessels than others. In addition, that tissue can tear from a variety of things, such as physical activities. So to use this as a marker of whether or not you’ve had sex just…doesn’t make sense.
It doesn’t have to hurt
If your first time involves penetration, a little pain or pressure might be predictable. That said it should still be overall pleasurable not painful. So if it hurts a lot, stop. This could be a signal that you need more foreplay or lubrication.
Having an orgasm should not be the goal
Yes, orgasms are incredible, but don’t just focus on when/how/if you’re going to get there. “Getting to know one another’s bodies is as much a part of the sexual experience as orgasm”. “Being able to learn what your partner likes and doesn’t like is part of the fun.” It can take some people literally years before they figure out how to orgasm with their partners, so don’t expect it to happen right off the bat.
You can absolutely get pregnant the very first time you have sex
Sadly, there are no free passes for virgins. If your first time involves a penis ejaculating inside a vagina, you can absolutely get pregnant. So before you lose your virginity, think about what kind of birth control you’ll use to protect against pregnancy, and talk about this with your partner…preferably before you’re naked.
It’s not true that your soul will be forever attached to the first person you have sex with
Sure, you might still look back on them fondly (or not so fondly) when you’re talking to your friends 20 years from now, but you’re not going to be forever attached to this person if you don’t want to be. This myth might come from the fact that many people do feel some sort of an attachment to the person they lost their virginity to, but that’s more of a social construct than a guarantee.
There’s no right time to have sex
How and when you decide to do it is no one’s business but your own. What’s more important than an arbitrary timeline is doing it for the right reasons and in a context you feel happy with, where you are actively consenting. “That you yourself want to not that you feel pressure from a partner or that all your friends are doing it”. “When someone has sex for the first time for those reasons, they are more likely to regret it.”
Everybody is just as nervous as you are
You’re naked, they’re naked, things are going in places that definitely haven’t been there before, and it’s a whole thing. Relax, breathe, go slow, and remind yourself that being a little anxious is normal.